So many thought but cant write or talk about them.

So many thoughts spinning around in my head at the moment.
I cant sort them out so i write this to sort my thoughts.
yesterday when i was on work i said to my colleague "if it go that far i dont think i can sit and see this person die, he is to simular to someone i looked up to and still do" this is the first time i said that on work and its the first time i take care of someone that is so simular to my grandfather and has been in the war with him aswell. And yesterday when i sat and talk with this person, i saw my grandfather in this person and i was allmost crying. My grandfather was my everything, my grandfather, my father, my brother, my best friend and idol. It is like 12 years seens he died and still cant i really accept it. i want him back, and see this person and talk with him is like talking and seeing my grandfather alive again. Sometimes is this work so hard.
I dont know if i can write all the other stuffs im afriad then someone reads it and take it all the wrong way so i stop sorting all my thought now.

Anyway, have a good day.